Conscious Choice: Another Modest Proposal

March 1996

Another Modest Proposal

by Edmund J. McDevitt

I’ve always wanted to be rich. Anything to do with being rich, with the rich of the world, with great wealth, has fascinated me. But no matter what I have done, I have not become rich. I tried reading rich text. It didn’t work. I changed my name to Richard. No luck. I tried all manner of things that were purported to be richly fulfilling. Nada.

Recently I discovered that I am not the only one, not the only rich wannabe. And I discovered at the same time that most of the rich people of the world have not actually earned their wealth, or created it for themselves by building businesses, or even won it in a lottery. No. They merely fell out of the womb into money swaddling, in a manner of speaking.

That revelation set me to thinking. If being rich, is, for the most part, genetic, then why not develop a genetic therapy for the ambitious (but impecunious), and others, like me, who need to be rich but haven’t got the right parents. In a flash, I understood how to do it. That’s when my colleagues and I decided to patent a process for extracting cells from the rich at the moment of birth for any rich person. It wouldn’t have to be intrusive. The cells could be harvested from umbilical cords. Then the relevant wealth genes could be extracted, grown, and ingested by those of us who are deficient in wealth. Pending FDA approval, this supplement will be available in pill form and in a more readily absorbed liquid. Scientifically, there should be no problem with the plan. If it works with tomatoes, it will work with people.

Great care will be required in the early stages of the program. The sudden conversion in a recipient’s chromosomal (not to mention tax) structure can be overwhelming. The quick influx of wealth and, more importantly, wealth assumptions, could cause mental and emotional upheaval. The envy of friends and the instant friendship of distant, even previously unknown, friends and relatives could be extremely time-consuming. What’s more, the resentment of those who do not qualify, or who are far down the recipient list, could be dangerous.

So the project plan includes a counseling program, staffed by psychologists experienced with lottery winners. The entire program will be self-funding. Each successful recipient will be required to pay to the program 10 percent of all wealth accumulated in perpetuity. And, of course, all children of successful recipients will be genetically tested at birth for evidence of transmission of the wealth gene(s). All children who are born with the gene will be billed upon reaching majority.

Current plans are to seek capital for a new company to develop the concept. The company will be called Recombinant Wealth Distribution. The fledgling firm already has other products on the drawing board, including genetic therapy reversing any inclination to become an attorney. A high priority is to develop a genetic marker for in-utero detection of conservative tendencies. Parents could then decide whether to pursue fetal genetic therapy to cure this malady, or to take other steps. Investors interested in learning more about Recombinant Wealth Distribution should send email to: rwd@eattherich.com.

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