Conscious Choice: Tantra Nova

February 2003

Tantra Nova

The Divinity of Sexual Love

by Darlene E. Paris

In the early years of our marriage, I remember that my love for my husband René and his love for me soared high. Those were the days in which simply looking at one another sent chills up and down our spine. We made time in those days to simply be with one another — and to engage in lovemaking sessions that kept our passion alive. As time passed, however, our interest in one another, and zest for lovemaking, seemed to wane.

Rushing up the rungs of the corporate ladder, we didn’t have time for the passion-filled days we enjoyed in our early twenties. As a sales representative for a large media company, I was too busy trying to figure out how I was going to increase sales in my territory, while René, who worked at the Chicago Board of Trade, was concerned about stocks and bonds, and when he would finally become an options trader.

At age 29, we had become too ambitious to nurture one another. On some nights, we’d look at each other with the intention to be together intimately, but we’d eventually flap our hands at the notion and collapse unto the bed.

René and I were not alone. Several of our 20-year-old-something friends were experiencing the same thing in their marriages. My close girlfriends and I would talk about our situations with fear that our relationships would come to an end. Mine certainly did.

Five years after we married, René and I decided to get a divorce. We tried marital and individual counseling, but these sessions failed to bring back harmony into our lives. After nine years of living with my beloved friend, René and I decided that it was best for us to go our separate ways.

According to Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Weaver, this scenario is not uncommon. "Some of us can only go so far in our relationships because we don’t know how to take our experiences any deeper," Meuth says. As Tantra educators, Meuth and Weaver help couples cultivate and sustain loving relationships through some of the ancient practices used in tantra.

The word tantra literally means "technique" and refers to ancient texts from India. These books feature a dialogue between the Hindu God Shiva, who represents the "penetrating power of focused energy," and his consort Shakti, who is regarded as the feminine creative force or "The Power of Tantra."

Although tantra is typically associated with the practice of sexual rites and is well known for its instructions in achieving longer orgasms and sustaining erections, this 1,000-plus-year-old practice is actually a healing art that addresses the whole person — mind, body, and spirit.

In tantra, sex is a holy sacrament and considered to be a path to enlightenment or self-realization. "Tantra work is based upon us getting in touch with our innate energies," says Meuth who, along with her beloved Freddy, received her certification in tantra education from the Source School of Tantra located in Maui, Hawaii.

"Sexual energy is the most fundamental energy that exists," she continues. "This is the energy we come from. This energy creates, sustains, and fuels. It is the source of nurturance and aliveness," she explains.

This energy can be expressed in different ways. For example, it is made manifest through one’s work as you paint a picture, write poetry, or prepare a meal. It’s also the energy you use when you create a business or decorate a home. This energy enables you to create life on your own terms and is responsible for all of your relationships, both intimate and casual.

Meuth and Weaver’s brand of sexual healing work is called TantraNova. In their practice, they use techniques from traditional tantra, such as rituals, breathing exercises, chakra work, and mantras, "but where we differ from traditional tantra is that we work with generative language and examine how we create our reality through the words we speak," Weaver says.

"All human beings live in language; therefore, our reality is created by the words we use," explains Meuth, who has been a practitioner of generative language — or how the words we speak shape our reality — for more than 10 years.

Meuth uses an example from her own life to illustrate how the language she used in her youth later created a world in which she found herself having to constantly prove herself to men.

"Growing up, I lived with the assumption that being a man was more powerful than being a woman. That was something that I made a decision to believe and I had evidence from society to support my belief," she says.

"This made me feel I had to prove myself to men or fight them and make them wrong. Then, I aspired to become like a man," she says. "What I was neglecting was the feminine part of myself, and I don’t mean in appearance, but that dimension of myself that is receptive, soft, yielding, and accepting. I was not listening to that part of myself, let alone, developing it."

Meuth’s language about men drew to her exactly the type of men she sought to avoid until she was able to become aware of her words and then choose a different reality for herself through tantra practices. "Not only do we have feelings about the opposite sex that prevent us from experiencing more love, but "we have interpretations around sexuality in our culture that closes down possibilities with respect to full self-expression."

Tantra assists us in getting in touch with and freeing ourselves from old hurts, residual memories and suppressed feelings that are stored in the tissue and musculature of the sexual energy centers in the body," Meuth says. When we are free of these energies, we can live a fuller and richer life.

Some of the techniques Meuth and Weaver use to free pent-up hurts, memories, and feelings include breathing exercises. "Through breathing you can learn to connect the lower chakras (sexual energy centers) in your body with the higher chakras (love and spiritual energy centers)." They also use sounds, symbols and movement to support the activation and connection of this energy flow.

"Tantra Nova teaches you how to integrate your sexual with your spiritual energies," says Elsbeth. "This allows for a divine experience with yourself and ultimately with a partner.

Personal Experience

Diane Crowley knows a little about the sexual-spiritual connection and how that can happen with a partner. Before she and her husband, Trevor, got married they scheduled an all-day session with Elsbeth and Freddy. "My husband and I wanted to explore and augment our spirituality through our sexuality and gain a more intimate understanding of each other to foster each other’s wholeness and healing," Crowley says.

During their session, the educators demonstrated different tantric practices such as a breathing exercise that activates the seven energy centers in the body, or chakras. "The chakra work is extremely important," says Meuth. "We are not trained to listen to energy in our culture, but how can we get more in touch with feeling our energy, or connecting with our energy unless we listen to it?" she asks.

Developed by the ancient seers of India, the chakra centers are located in various areas of the body. Each center has certain characteristics and "wheels of life" that vibrate at a certain frequency. The vibration and frequency of a particular chakra correlates to the health of its corresponding organ. "In order to live in harmony, it is necessary for our energy centers to remain balanced," Meuth says.

The breathing exercises move the energy throughout the seven chakras and to the brain. Regular practice allows couples to connect more deeply with themselves and each other. The Crowleys also received instructions for a very intimate practice called the "Sacred Spot" ritual. The Sacred Spot, also known as the Grafenberg Spot, or G-spot, is located deep in the vagina, or yoni, as tantra educators call it, and is another pleasure point, besides the clitoris, of sexual stimulation for women.

In this ritual, the man lovingly massages his beloved with oils and then gently enters her yoni, which means sacred space in Sanskrit, with his ring finger. Once he finds the G-spot, he holds his finger there and caresses it slowly. This ritual is believed to expand a woman’s feelings and frees her from past trauma or negative experiences.

The ritual can also be an expansive experience for a man. "Tantra teaches us men to get in touch with our giving side, our nurturing side, our more feminine side," Weaver says. "There’s a lot of learned behavior that does not serve us as men, particularly in relationships with women, like that over-macho behavior that allows wars to happen and wants us always to be right. Through Tantra we become conscious of those things and learn ways to move differently," he explains.

Once clients learn a ritual, it’s important for them to keep healing practices and lovemaking sessions separate. "The rituals are for the purpose of healing, says Weaver. When we instruct men in the Sacred Spot Ritual, we tell them to tie up their lingam (the Sanskrit word for penis) because they won’t be using it," he says.

Bill Overstreet is also learning the meaning of true intimacy through tantra. When Overstreet’s wife discovered he was having an affair with three women he worked with, she asked him to move out of the house until she decided what she wanted to do next.

The time alone gave Overstreet space to think about his behavior and his feelings about intimacy. "A long time ago, I was a professional athlete. I got caught up in the whole ego thing. Everyone was clamoring at me on the road. The girls would call the room. I didn’t even have to hunt for sex. It would come right to me," he says.

Throughout the 33 years of his marriage, Overstreet had affairs. "My wife and I would have sex, but it was infrequent. I just didn’t feel that intimate connection."

But during the five months that he’s been receiving tantra education from Meuth and Weaver, his views on intimacy and marriage have changed. "I want to be able to experience an intimate relationship with my wife in a monogamous way, which has not been the case in the past."

Today, Overstreet is sharing some of the rituals he has learned with his wife. He’s hoping to move back into their home very soon.

"I never really got any kind of intimate understanding of how special having a sexual encounter is with someone until I began studying tantra. I mean what greater gift can you give than sharing your body? But we don’t see that in our society. Men, in particular, see sex as a conquest, let me go out for the kill, that kind of thing. So, I’m finally able, at age 54, to see sex in the Divine Light. Tantra is definitely the divine light of sexuality."

Meuth and Weaver agree. It’s one of the reasons they work with such enthusiasm. "We are doing this work to bring about the possibility of harmony not only to ourselves, but to our relationships, not only to our local communities, but to the world at large," Meuth says.

Other than Meuth and Weaver, the names have been changed in this article to protect the identities of the people.

Darlene Paris is a freelance writer, teacher, Reiki Master, and author of Healthy and Natural Living in Chicago: The Best Alternative Resources in the City and Suburbs (Chicago Review Press, 1998).

Resources

Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Weaver, TantraNova Institute, 708-233-0414

Web sites

In Chicago: www.tantranova.com

Nationally: www.tantra.com, www.sourcetantra.com, www.schooloftantra.com

Books:

Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving, by Charles and Caroline Muir

The Essential Tantra: A Modern Guide to Sacred Sexuality, by Kenneth Ray Stubbs, Ph.D.

The Multi-Orgasmic Couple, by Mantak Chia and Maneewan Chia

Videos

"Ancient Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy" featuring today’s foremost authors and teachers of sacred sex (www.tantra.com)

"Secrets of Female Sexual Ecstasy" by Charles and Caroline Muir, www.sourcetantra.com

Partner Connecting Practice

This practice of "Heart-to-Heart Connection" is designed to assist you and your partner in connecting in an effortless and deep way. The practice will revitalize your body and soul and attune your energies for resonating in harmony with each other. You can do this together in the morning to get ready for the day, in the evening before you retire, or in the middle of the day. The practice is also superb for preparing yourselves for love making and will greatly enhance your synchronicity in dancing lovingly together.

Set aside 5 to 10 minutes each day to connect in this way. It will support you both in generating calm, ease and compassion in facing the challenges with each other and in your lives.

Here is how the practice works: It can be done in two different positions:

Position one: Sit side-by-side with your chairs facing opposite directions with each chair slightly back so that your right thighs are touching. Face each other (you’ll each be slightly turned toward each other).

Or Position two: Sitting on the floor in a cross-legged position face opposite directions with each of you sitting slightly back so that your right thighs are touching.

Phase I:

* Put your right hand on your partner’s heart chakra (the sternum/ chest) while your left hand rests in your lap.

* Look into each other’s left eye — this engages the sensing and feeling connection within you and with your partner.

Together breathe in deeply through the nose and then breath out slowly again through the nose. Keep breathing together in that fashion while gazing into each other’s left eye for a couple of minutes. We call this way of breathing, "synchronized breathing."

Phase II:

* Maintain the positioning of your right hand on your partner’s heart chakra.

* Now one of you will breathe in while the other one breathes out. We call this way of breathing "alternate breathing."

When you breathe in, visualize receiving your partner’s energy — the breath that’s being sent from your partner’s hand into your heart chakra. When you breathe out visualize sending your loving heart energy from your heart chakra out your right arm and hand into your partner’s heart chakra. On the next inhalation receive your partner’s loving heart energy coming through your partner’s right arm and hand into your heart chakra.

* Keep gazing into each other’s left eye and stay with the circulating of your love energy for another three to four minutes.

Phase III:

* Take your right hand and return it into your lap.

* Continue to sit facing each other, share with each other what you are feeling.

— DP

Finding A Tantra Educator

If you and your partner are interested in exploring tantra, you may want to consider working with a certified tantra educator. There is a handful in the Chicago area. Some offer only workshops; others will work with you on a more intimate level.

But be warned. Some people who say they’re teaching tantra may have less than honorable intentions. Expanding your sexuality, is a sensuous, yet soulful, endeavor, and the person with whom you and your partner decide to work should be sensitive to that fact. Here are some points to consider as you begin your search for a tantra educator.

1. Where do you find tantra educators? According to tantra instructors, Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Weaver, the best place is the Internet. "Make a list of people in the area who offer tantra education and send them an e-mail."

Once you’ve identified an instructor with whom you and your partner feel you can work, arrange to meet them before you schedule a session. At that meeting, you should find out whether they’re certified. If they are, ask where they received their certification and how long they’ve been practicing the art. You should also find out whether the practitioner has a solid program to follow. If they don’t have a program or an intention for the couples they work with, don’t be afraid to ask them why.

2. What are my expectations? Before you schedule an appointment with a tantra educator, it’s important for you to be clear about what you expect to obtain from your sessions. Are you and your partner seeking to improve your relationship through tantra or are the two of you just curious about the art and want to see what it’s all about? Whatever the reason, it’s important to find an instructor who can best fulfill your needs.

The person with whom you and your partner decide to work for a more sensuous yet spiritual sexuality, should be a reflection of the kind of person the two of you aspire to be. If the practitioner does not reflect the goals and aspirations you hold for yourselves, then you should continue your search for a tantra educator.

— DP

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