February 2000 | Hightower Lowdown
An Entrepreneur Beats the Drug Thugs
by Jim Hightower
Time for another trip into the far, far, far-out frontiers of free enterprise.
Today, Spaceship Hightower takes you into the dark sphere of America’s ugly Drug War — where some $50 billion a year of our tax money is being frittered away on a useless, Prohibition-style police effort that is a miserable failure at slowing the flow of drugs into our country, yet it’s a spectacular success at imprisoning tens of thousands of people who have done nothing but be caught with a six-pack’s worth of marijuana. It also grossly violates our Constitutional liberties, including the right to privacy.
One of the more insidious invasions of our privacy rights is the rampant spread of drug tests in the American workplace. Millions of us are being routinely subjected to this humiliating, intrusive, unconstitutional, and totally unnecessary procedure. With few exceptions, having taken a toke the night before has not one iota of impact on the job people do. Notice that CEOs, members of Congress, and the other elites never have to pee in a bottle in order to continue their jobs — so why should working stiffs?
To help rebel against this insult, Kenneth Curtis has developed a product for you. His company, Privacy Protection Services, will sell to you a 100 percent organic, drug-free, biodegradable substance guaranteed to beat any workplace drug test. The substance is Kenneth’s own urine. No drugs, alcohol, or even caffeine are in it. He sells five ounces in a plastic pouch with a tube, plus a tiny heat pack to keep it at body temperature. It’s so subtle that a drug-test monitor can be standing right beside you and not know that the urine in the bottle is not your own. "I’ve never had a customer fail a test," Kenneth says, "I’m proud of that."
To contact this patriotic entre-pee-neur, call him at 864-836-4341.
Jim Hightower is a columnist and author. To subscribe to The Hightower Lowdown, send $15, and your name, and address to: Lowdown, P.O. Box 20596, New York, NY 10011. Visit his web site for more info.
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